SLOWER AND MORE CALCULATED - The Anecdotes of a Streetwise Hobo.

Araman’s Net User Note: A TV Crew is underway filming an Ad for a Bowling Club. Moving in quietly while at a lunch break, I manage to steal their laptop, use their wireless Internet connection (update this blog), and tidy up their script and shot list while they were finishing up on their Tea and Biscuits.

I’ve never been able to comprehend why everyone simply stops walking upon entering an Escalator. It’s always been a source of irritation that I’ve had throughout all my life. Sitting on one of the Mall Benches located relatively close to the Pair of Escalators I took to shouting at everyone who simply stopped and waited, relying on the machine to do the distance for them. No doubt, there were some admirable people who preferred to walk, but for everyone one person who did it right, there would be another 5 would do it wrong, and simply stand. It got to a point where my voice was becoming coarse and I realised shouting was ineffective. I concluded that I would get my message across by pressing the Emergency Red Stop button. By flipping the glass case and pressing the button with my thumb, I caused the preceding 15 people on the moving steps above me to fall, smashing shopping bags and spectacles on the metal flooring of the steps below. High-tailing as quickly as possible, I was chased out by Security Guards with an elated feeling of accomplishment.

Composed by Joel at 4:03 pm

Comments:

well araman, i think if you are going to bag poorly designed homeless faker sites, the least you could do is steal a digital camera and show us some pics of a genuine homeless bum, please include empty whisky bottles etc. to prove authenticity.

# posted by

Anonymous : 10:14 am

I was caught stealing a packet of Duracell batteries from Dick Smith electronics once. After restraining me, they led me into the “Staff Only” area with my head covered by a CRT monitor cover. Tying me to the balcony out back using only AV and Ethernet cables, I was left to dangle over an industrial factory fan for 3 quarters of an hour. Since that day, I haven’t stolen a single thing from an Electrical retailer – and the thought of what they, or any other Electrical good store would do to me if I stole a Digital Camera, let alone a pack of Batteries absolutely horrifies me. I’m sorry Anonymous – but you’ll just have to take my word for it – they’re not real hoboes.

# posted by

Joel : 11:46 am


Saturday, April 01, 2006 At least stand on the left. Araman’s Net User Note: A TV Crew is underway filming an Ad for a Bowling Club. Moving in quietly while at a lunch break, I manage to steal their laptop, use their wireless Internet connection (update this blog), and tidy up their script and shot list while they were finishing up on their Tea and Biscuits. I’ve never been able to comprehend why everyone simply stops walking upon entering an Escalator. It’s always been a source of irritation that I’ve had throughout all my life. Sitting on one of the Mall Benches located relatively close to the Pair of Escalators I took to shouting at everyone who simply stopped and waited, relying on the machine to do the distance for them. No doubt, there were some admirable people who preferred to walk, but for everyone one person who did it right, there would be another 5 would do it wrong, and simply stand. It got to a point where my voice was becoming coarse and I realised shouting was ineffective. I concluded that I would get my message across by pressing the Emergency Red Stop button. By flipping the glass case and pressing the button with my thumb, I caused the preceding 15 people on the moving steps above me to fall, smashing shopping bags and spectacles on the metal flooring of the steps below. High-tailing as quickly as possible, I was chased out by Security Guards with an elated feeling of accomplishment. Composed by Joel at 4:03 pm Comments: well araman, i think if you are going to bag poorly designed homeless faker sites, the least you could do is steal a digital camera and show us some pics of a genuine homeless bum, please include empty whisky bottles etc. to prove authenticity. # posted by Anonymous : 10:14 am I was caught stealing a packet of Duracell batteries from Dick Smith electronics once. After restraining me, they led me into the “Staff Only” area with my head covered by a CRT monitor cover. Tying me to the balcony out back using only AV and Ethernet cables, I was left to dangle over an industrial factory fan for 3 quarters of an hour. Since that day, I haven’t stolen a single thing from an Electrical retailer – and the thought of what they, or any other Electrical good store would do to me if I stole a Digital Camera, let alone a pack of Batteries absolutely horrifies me. I’m sorry Anonymous – but you’ll just have to take my word for it – they’re not real hoboes. # posted by Joel : 11:46 am Post a Comment << Home	ARAMAN PROOLKS An atypical itinerant homeless man. Honest, entertaining and refreshingly original.
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Saturday, April 01, 2006

At least stand on the left.

ARAMAN PROOLKS

An atypical itinerant homeless man. Honest, entertaining and refreshingly original.

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